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Sri Humananda "Since the Self is the reality of all the gods, the meditation on the Self which is oneself is the greatest of all meditations. All other meditations are included in this. It is for gaining this that the other meditations are prescribed. So, if this is gained, the others are not necessary. Knowing one's Self is knowing God."
Significant Others AUM Shanti – Peace to all. I often say that if we could figure out relationships almost all of our troubles would fade away. By significant relationships I mean those with other humans having deeper meaning to us. Significant relationships can be any relationship. Since so much of our joy and our suffering come from such relationships, any investigation into our experience of them is worthwhile. However, any such investigation should start with ourselves. We cannot start with the other person since such people are secondary to ourselves in the sense that they are experienced as secondary - additions to our own beings which are naturally primary to us. Most of our difficulty with relationships comes from our desire to change the other person to fit our needs and wants and desires in a way pleasing to us, and we attempt to effect this in a variety of cunning ways; criticism, force, anger, withdrawal, disgust, passive aggression, seduction, lying, faking, omission and a whole host of other sublime or directly manipulative methods. It is sometimes called "the human condition", and this condition has its origin in, and is characterized by a lack of our self-knowledge stemming from the mistaken identity we created with our minds of who and what we believe ourselves to be. We then take this self-image as real. This mistake is sometimes called the "primary error" because it begins within ourselves. It is considered a fatal flaw. Because of this flaw and our upholding thereof at almost any cost we focus on changing the other person when our primary focus should be our own beings. Whenever we seek development or satisfaction we need to understand that our peace comes only via our own beings and not because of the actions or reactions or behavior of others, and we can mostly only work on ourselves by means of ourselves. However, to get to this understanding we need to look at ourselves, and the most direct way to do that is to question yourself with the most direct and succinct question there is – "Who am I?" And as simple as this question may appear to us in its form, its content and pursuit is no mean feat. Most of us don't get any further than posing it to ourselves theoretically, and that is only if we are deeply suffering or Divinely blessed. We could all use some help and guidance. Fortunately, with Divine compassion, and because we are human, we are lovingly and appropriately provided with friends and significant people to help us along in the most timely of ways exactly as needed. Significant relationships are, well, significant, and we would be well advised to recognize them as such. They are to be deeply respected, greatly honored and never squandered away, because in doing that we truly also squander away the very significance of our lives as well as the golden opportunities to develop into the kind of beings we hope to become, which is simply being ourselves openly at all times and under all conditions. It's easier said than done, and so it is that almost all but the Enlightened Ones portray to others the "me" that they would like them to see and be recognized as and thought of. So, by our creation and maintenance of a sophisticated "me" facade we treat people (and ourselves to a large degree) in certain self-concept corroborative ways to show them certain aspects and qualities about us that are not so much who we really are but who we would like them to see us as and also who we would like to believe ourselves to be. We expose only those parts of ourselves that are "good" and hide those parts we deem to be not so good or embarrassing to us and we enter into and laboriously maintain a relationship which is essentially a total façade and which we have to constantly keep up by manipulation and lies and deception and so on. Is it any wonder that we experience difficulty with our relationships and self-knowledge and our development towards peace? The "me" façade can be recognized if we endure our serious pursuit of the "Who am I?" question – specially when we accept the gift or our auspicious significant relationships. Finally, and sometimes for the very first time, here we have an opportunity to work on breaking down the façade with the help of a friend we can truly consider worthy. Then the task is so much easier. In the presence of our friend we can practice being ourselves without any masks or hiding away or trickery. In truth, friends help us unveil our real selves to ourselves and we help them to do the same. That is why such relationships are auspicious and significant, and sought after. Some good questions friends will become involved with deal with questioning what the façade really is and why we created it and what the reasons are for our maintenance thereof. Also, what would happen if we relinquish it and how we can go about it and how does that feel? And then to find the underlying reasons why it is so very, very difficult to give up and then to gently start breaking down those reasons in a safe relationship of trust. We know a façade is a fake and not a good thing. We know it is the killer of relationships and that it contributes nothing towards our evolution and learning and growth. And we know that our having a facade as a basis when entering into any relationship is a certain recipe for disaster as well as the cause of our suffering and also the cause of suffering in others. We know that the existence of a façade will force us to cheat and lie and fake and omit and we feel a significant measure of discomfort with all of those things. We don't want to take those actions or be those ways because we know we are sustaining a falsehood that has but one dire end. We also know the joy of having no façade in the presence of a friend even though the need for it seems so overwhelmingly strong. But how can we give it up, and how do we go about that? These questions, and the answers to them all lie in true self-knowledge. For the most part, self-knowledge comes to us during our quiet and alone times of serious and deep inward investigation. The value of significant friends lie in their presence when we are with them, and they provide us the courage and the fuel we need for our times of solitary investigation. Truly blessed are our significant friends in the times of our need. Value them deeply and honor them all. Namaste.
Sri Humananda © Dwapara 307 (2007) |